Would You Tell Your S/O When You’re Attracted to Others?
Alright ladies and gents, have you ever heard your s/o gassing up someone else in front of you? Did you join in? Or were you giving the total side eye?
I can admit that if my man was complementing a woman in front of me, I would def be doing the latter. However, I overheard a conversation the other day where a man was commenting on this topic. He said if you make your s/o feel confident and secure in the relationship, they should have no problem with you commenting on the physical appearance of others.
This got me thinking about my own relationship. I’ve never seen my man give another woman a compliment, and he’s never commented on the appearance of another woman to me. On the flip side, I also don’t do these things. We both seem to be on the same page about this even though we have never explicitly talked about it. That got me thinking, are there unspoken boundaries that most people in monogamous relationships share? Or did that just happen to be the case for us?
I decided to embark on a mission to ask various people their thoughts on this topic. These people vary in gender, age, race, and current relationship status. The more people I interviewed, the more in depth our conversations got. I found out some really interesting things and even got a SHOCKING response from MY OWN MAN! I know what your thinking…
Photo Description: gif of woman from Mulan getting tea pot and saying “Now, pour the tea.”
Don’t worry,
I got y’all!
And the tea is hot, so grab a snack, get comfy, and get ready for the drama to unfold.
Photo Description: gif of Michael Jackson eating popcorn.
So my first question to everyone was:
How would you feel about your S/O or date giving a complement to another woman/man in front of you?
I found that most people felt that they would be comfortable with this if the complement was about something like their fashion style or hair. When the compliments get more about physical attributes, most people, both men and women, were less comfortable with this.
One man even said, “If it’s a stranger, and she complement’s their clothes/style, I’m viewing that casual. Unless it’s the shoes. Don’t do that in front of me. When you’re checking someone out, you usually start from feet up, that’s my logic”
Photo description: gif of Beyonce checking someone out from the bottom to the top.
Many women and men agreed that it also depends on the nature of the relationship. One man asked “is she doing this consistently? And does she compliment me as much as she does others?”
I think this does make a difference for most people. Some people are naturally outgoing and love to make people feel good. Spreading kindness is not a bad thing. However, if the complements are consistent to a certain type of person and are purely physical, that can feel a little sus.
Photo description: gif of Red Among Us character pointing and saying “you sus!”
Also, the original man mentioned the condition of “if your s/o makes you feel confident and secure in the relationship.” In my eyes, that means if your s/o is just a natural compliment giver, they should definitely be doing that for you just as much, if not more, than they do others.
One man brought up the point that, in their eyes, going up to a person and giving a compliment can be easily perceived as you hitting on that person. He said he thinks it’s more appropriate for your s/o or date to comment about another person to you. This brings me to the next question I asked everyone.
Do you find it appropriate for your s/o or date to comment to you about the physical appearance of someone else?
This is where I saw most men and women have differing opinions. Most women off the bat said absolutely not.
Photo description: Woman shaking head and saying “nope, absolutely not”
BUT
Most men said the opposite…
My man even said, “Yeah, it should be fine for me to tell you that another woman has a big butt.” When he said this, all I could do was laugh.
Photo description: gif of girl laughing while slowly revealing a knife.
He has NEVER done this before!
I genuinely don’t know how I would react if we were out in public, and he turned to me and said, “that woman has a big booty.” When I asked if it would be appropriate to tell him that a man has muscular arms or really defined abs, he said he would find these comments funny. I don’t know how true that is since neither of us have actually been in this position before with each other, but it’s interesting because I found that most men echoed his thoughts on this.
Photo description: Will Smith and Martin Lawrence pointing at each other and nodding.
Many men said they felt like if they are commenting to their s/o about another’s physical appearance, it’s not because they are focusing their attention on someone else, but more that they are including their s/o in the conversation. It seems like most felt that it was more appropriate to admire the physical appearance of someone else together as a couple. Some even compared this to watching porn together.
While most women automatically said that they would not feel comfortable with their s/o doing this, most said it would be ok if it was pointing something out that was abnormal versus pointing something out in admiration, “Something crazy and abnormal, yes! But other than that imma have to give you the side eye cause 👀 NO!”
Photo description: Britney Spears giving major side eye
The conversation of pointing out physical attributes of others brought up another conversation. Many men and women started discussing looking at others in public. This is something that many women and men also seemed to disagree on. Most women said they do not like for their men to look at someone else in public. Most men said, they can’t avoid looking at someone else, but there are ways to do it that are ok and ways that are completely inappropriate.
One man even coined the term:
“The Double Take Principal”
The Double Take Principal means that there are things you are going to see in public that you can’t avoid, and things you will see that captures your attention for a moment, but as long as you don’t do a full on double take, and you return your attention back to your s/o or date, it should not be a problem.
Photo description: gif of man on boat doing an iconic, wide eyed double take.
Most women agreed with this. My best friend even said “A double take = a break up.” We continued to joke that our response after a double take would be
“Aww, did you see the future?”
“Did y’all get MARRIED?”
“Y’ALL GOT KIDS NOW"?”
Photo Description: gif of J. Cole saying “A man can dream can’t he?”
Photo description: gif of Nikki Minaj saying “hell no”
In conclusion
Hearing everyone’s perspectives on this topic was actually very refreshing to me. It was nice to hear that even though there are differing opinions, none of the people interviewed ever had the mindset of not caring how their partner would feel. And almost everyone said this is not something they think about a lot, or have had an open conversation with their partner about. Most had only discussed it before in arguments because one did something the other found inappropriate.
My biggest take away from this experience is that this is a topic you should discuss with your partner. It’s important to know each other’s boundaries and perspectives. Always go in with an open heart and open mind. I don’t think it’s ever the intention to hurt the people we love. So communicate people, it really is key!!
I’d love to hear you guys’ thoughts in the comments! And as always, be kind to yourself and others!
